once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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