I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
