a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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