I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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