She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
