New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
