come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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