ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
