the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
