I just threw up on my dentist
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
