So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
