She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
