She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
