listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize