i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
