i think my tv is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
