well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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