On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
