not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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