I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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