He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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