Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
