On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
