I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
