i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
