I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
