opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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