dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
