Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Never joke about your clitoris.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
