Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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