Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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