I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize