question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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