3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
