Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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