in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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