Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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