Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
