Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize