apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
