I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
