I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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