I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
