well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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