I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
