whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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