'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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