He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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