he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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