So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize