There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
