Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
