Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
