I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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