my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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