you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
