I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
