just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
