I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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