I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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